My dress is BCBG
We all flew in Friday April 16th & that night we went out to the Palms Casino,because it's the young hot casino that's always on the E! Channel,which is pretty much the only station I watch. The first club I went into (well the first club I legally went to) was Ghostbar. Ghostbar isn’t huge. It’s around the size you wish your living room were, if you were going to throw a house party that felt intimate, yet still included 300 of your closest, most attractive friends. It’s 55 stories up and, for obvious reasons, this lends itself to an amazing view. You get the Vegas panorama, from outside or inside, but the best view in the whole place doesn’t look out, but down.
The Ghostbar patio has a transparent floor section that looks down on to the pool area. You can stand on it,conquer your fear of heights and flash your punani to the people below all at the same time!
Ghostbar is more of a high energy lounge then a club, so after a few sugar free Red Bulls at Ghostbar we decided to head to The Playboy Club, which is where one of my very good friends passed away last August. Yes, my fake ID named Brittany Gottlieb was tragically taken from me by a hot dog necked bouncer the last time Lindsay and I were there. Brittany Gottlieb was a black Jewish girl, and even though I'm not either one of those, the fake ID had worked every time until I got there! I was so mortified when he took it away.RIP Brittany Gottlieb even though I don't need you anymore you will always be in my heart(we had shiva for you)
I actually got the SAME bouncer who killed Brittany a couple months ago, at least this time we met on much better circumstances. I was so excited to finally be in the Playboy Club! I absolutely love anything Playboy, I loved Girls Next Door (the good seasons with Holly,Bridget, and Kendra, not the awful Shannon Twins who sound like men) Located on the 52nd floor of the Palms' Fantasy Tower, the club has floor-to-ceiling windows, stunning views of the Las Vegas Strip and the valley. The decor is rich, dark colors, plush leather sofas and Baccarat crystal chandeliers, which all create a sexy,vintage Vegas vibe. The Playboy Club also has gaming in the form of blackjack and roulette tables. The dealers are all beautiful Playboy bunnies, clad in the legendary bunny costume complete with cuffs, collars and cottontails!
Once we were over Playboy Club, Virginia decided to head back to the hotel(even though it was only 3AM Virginia does morning radio like me so even 6PM is like midnight to us.,plus she had to fly from Florida) I had been up for more then a day straight at this point, but I had so much Red Bull in me that staying up was no problem,I'm just shocked my hair didn't vibrate off my body.Linds & I were sad to see her go but we rallied and went upstairs to the adjoining club, MOON. There's definitely a little bit of an outer space vibe to the furniture and wall decoration, but it's really pushed over the top with things like lasers and video screens.
After Moon, Lindsay and I decided to head back to our hotel and go to Tao at the connecting hotel, the Venetian.When we got to Tao we went to the bar in the restaurant, and while Linds and I were trying to take a picture of ourselves, some guy offered to take it for us, which is nice right? Well after his 50th attempt at trying to figure out this new space age technology of a digital camera, even though their is only ONE button on the top of the camera-he decided to skip taking the picture and offer to buy us drinks instead, I don't really like paying $14 for a Red Bull so sure, why not!
me and the guy who couldn't figure out camera, I named him Leather Jacket
He bought Linds and me our drinks & introduced us to his guy friends who all looked exactly the same. He told me his name like 3 times but it was so loud and I have awful hearing anyway, so I just kept calling him Leather Jacket. Leather Jacket suggested we go to XS at Encore which is the new tower of the Wynn. So Leather Jacket, his friends,Linds and me start walking through the lobby of the Venetian to get outside to the cab area. As we were walking through the casino area, one of the escorts complimented me on my shoes- that meant a lot to me because compliments about shoes mean more to me coming from a hooker or gay man more then anyone else!
Leather Jacket decided to get a stretch limo instead of a cab which was great and very nice of him, although it's always so awkward trying to climb into a limo when you are wearing a dress and trying not to flash everyone your pikachu.
(This was taken before I hated him)
Once we were in the limo that's when me and LJ's relationship hit a rough patch. First, he kept trying to kiss & touch me, after I told him he already looked like a date rapist enough in the jacket that he didn't need to add any more to it he calmed down a little bit & got the hint. So anyway as Linds was on the other side of the limo talking to his friends,Leather Jacket is telling me about how he would love to bring me home to his mom, Mrs. Jacket.Even though he was a drunk random who I knew I would never see again after tonight I still thought it was sweet,because Steve Ward from Tough Love always says how that's the biggest compliment of all is when a guy wants you to meet his mom.
Then Leather Jacket hits me with this:
"We would make such a hot couple, and we would be good for each other because we equal each other out, you have really bad skin and I have perfect skin, so our kids would be fine because we would counter balance each other. Also before you meet my mom you need to get microdermabrasion because good skin is VERY important to her, but you're still hot even with your skin"
WHAT.... a compliment! This bothered me so much because 1) my skin is the thing I am most self conscious about in the world besides my weight and 2) What a fucking douche thing to say! Even if I had leprosy on my face,why would you say that to someone? At this point I was looking around the limo for anything I could use to puncture the "perfect skin" of his eye socket. OVER YOU!
Go back to the Summer's Eve aisle where you belong
XS is probably my favorite club I have ever been to, and I'm not really a club person at all. Normally it's just a clusterfuck of sweaty people everywhere around you who are dry humping to a house beat (which after you listen to house music you understand why the people at raves are on drugs,because that is the only possible way you can enjoy listening to house music for 13 hours straight) but XS is nothing like that.
a picture that gives you a better idea of what the inside looks like
the pool right next to the dance floor
XS is so beautiful, when we came down the stairs I wasn't quite sure where the chandelier lit dance floor ended and the outdoor pool began. That’s right – the pool is a part of the club! XS is so spacious,it has 3 tiers of plush booths and tables all around the dance floor, and they have stripper poles placed around the club that are for anyone, not just the go go dancers, which were so much fun to dance on! Lindsay and I were dancing and Leather Jacket found us again! He asked if I wanted a drink, and I wanted to tell him to get me the club's signature cocktail -- the Ono -- which is $10,000. It has Dom Perignon Enotheque and Louis XIII de Remy Martin Black Pearl cognac and is accompanied by sterling silver cuff links or an 18-karat white gold chain with a black pearl pendant. I should have had him get me a drink so I could then throw it on his "perfect completion" (also because it looks like so much fun when I see girls do it on TV) Instead I just told him to fuck off.
As Lindsay & I were dancing I saw what I thought was a blonde Chuck Bass.This guy was wearing an all plaid suit and a scarf (because we all know how chilly it gets in nightclubs, especially in the Arctic climate of Las Vegas) I had to get off the platform we were dancing on and go talk to this trend setter, & big surprise, he was European... His name was Linus and he was from Sweden
Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl
Linus from Sweden- I guess instead of bringing a blanket everywhere he brings his scarf
Lindsay, Linus' brother & Linus serving up serious Plaid-ittude!
We stayed at XS till they closed at 4AM & then headed back to our hotel.When we were walking through the casino and wondering if we should call it a night or go somewhere else, a German guy walked up to us and asked "Are you ready to let the dogs out?" After that we knew we should hang it up because it wasn't going to get any better then that.
German "Are you ready to let the dogs out?" (also why is he wearing a puka shell necklace?!)
Saturday, April 17th when Linds and I finally got up & got ourselves together,we met Virginia for lunch at Mon Ami Gabi at Paris on the strip. She told us on the phone that it would be easy to find her because quote "I'm already drinking & I'm only speaking french to the wait staff-I don't know any french and I'm being pretty loud and obnoxious"
This is one of the many reasons why I love Virginia-she is seriously the most fun person in the world! She will do or say anything, and it's always fun to have those people around you because you never know what can happen!
Lindsay,me and Virginia outside Paris
After lunch we went to the new Las Vegas City Center which was gorgeous! It has restaurants & all the high end stores-Louis Vuitton,Tiffanys,Cartier Oh My!
We ♥ Louis!
After shopping we headed back to the Palazzo to rest up and get ready for my birthday night & I went off to the Canyon Ranch Spa Club and Salon to get my hair done. All I can do with my hair is straight Cher hair, so for my birthday I wanted big,porn star, JGF hair (JGF stands for Just Got F'd) I sat down in the salon chair and after I got done telling the stylist what I wanted I fell asleep. 45 minutes later I woke up and my hair was perfect! I have no idea how the girl did it that fast because I have so much weave, but she was amazing and I wanted to put her in my Marc Jacobs bag and bring her everywhere with me! If you are going to be in Vegas and want to get your hair did, go to the Canyon Ranch Spa Club in the Palazzo, they are fabulous!
Dress is Bebe
I don't know about you,but for me half the fun of going out is the primping before, I always have to listen to Beyonce, Britney and Ru Paul when I'm getting ready! We also played a lot of Justin Beiber because even though he's a baby, Linds and I love him!
Getting ready for my birthday dinner
Dress is Kardashians for Bebe
For my birthday dinner we ate at Tao. Tao is the most popular restaurant and club in Las Vegas & always has the biggest celebrity clients on any given night. I was so sad to find out that just a couple nights before we got into town, Paris and Nicky Hilton,Rachel Bilson & Reggie Bush were all there the same night! Tao is half restaurant, half club and all glamour. Tao is a complete experience.The front entrance is lined with bathtubs filled with rose petals and women and the lights are immediately changed from casino mall lighting to subdued reddish mood lighting (which we all know makes everyone look better) The first floor (which is where you enter) serves as Tao's lounge and restaurant area. The place is filled with Asian sculptures, paintings, and even has a 20 foot tall Buddha statue in a pool full of Japanese koi fish. The menu is Asian and Tai cuisine and the food is DELICIOUS (the night we ate there True Blood actor Ryan Kwanten aka Jason Stackhouse, and Reba McIntyre were eating a couple tables away from us, not together though lol)
Cheers to me being 21!
Spicy Tuna Rolls and Lobster Wontons with Shiitake Ginger Broth-so good!
Giant Happy Birthday fortune cookie filled with white and dark chocolate mousse
After dinner we went upstairs to where the night club is
bathtubs in the hallway entrance
Right when you get inside they have girls on either side of you massaging each other
The bar on the main floor
The bathtub girls- I would love this job! You get paid to sit in a tub and look hot?
Once inside we didn't even get to finish a complete lap before this guy grabbed us when we were walking by and asked if he could buy me a drink, I politely smiled at him & just kept trying to make my way through the crowd but Lindsay pulled me back.The girls wanted free drinks and when he said he would get me a Red Bull I was sold! The guy lead us to his private booth where him and his friends had a table with bottle service. They were all such gentleman and not trying to sweat and grope all over us like most guys we meet in clubs. The main guy who asked to buy me a drink was named Gram. I was telling him how I was surprised how polite all of his friends were and he said it was how they are trained to be- it turns out they were all NAVY pilots! So now Virginia,Lindsay and I are partying with Top Gun.
Us with the NAVY boys, Gram is in the middle
At first I didn't believe him-because that it's such a great line to say you're a NAVY pilot, but then he showed me his military ID. As I'm sitting there talking to Gram who was actually really funny, he told me I was the most normal Mormon he had ever met! (!!!!!!!!!) I was like "Uumm why do you think I'm Mormon?" and he told me it was because all I was drinking was Red Bull,after that 3 of his friends asked me separately if I was "super religious or something?" for the reason I wasn't drinking(Seriously is it that weird?! ) I decided maybe I should start having some drinks. Later on Gram and the guys bought me a bottle of champagne for my birthday! They were so sweet, so I decided to have some because why not, I just turned 21 and I'm in Vegas! If drinking champagne is the worst thing I do in Vegas, that's a pretty good trip!
Alex, one of the navy boys and my birthday bottle of champagne
We were having so much fun!
Lindsay dancing with one on the NAVY guys
The upstairs portion of the club had private women's bathrooms that have the clear to opaque doors which frost once the handle is turned-I was really nervous that for some reason mine wouldn't work and that everybody could still see me-but after 7 Red Bulls and a couple glasses of champagne I had to go so bad I couldn't really care.At about 2 AM I decided that since it was our last night in Vegas we should leave Tao and go to the strip club! I have been to a couple of strip clubs before but I really wanted to go to one in Vegas, because that's where the hottest girls are, & sometimes you go to the strip club and it's not exactly the A squad working... So even though we were having a blast with our NAVY boys, we decided to leave them and meet up with our friend Drew who is a waiter at Tao and had just got off from his shift, so he took us to Sapphires Gentlemen's Club to go make it rain!
Sapphires is the largest strip club in the world! It's 71,000 square feet and has 3 main stages in a bridge form. You almost feel like you're in a real club (and some of the strippers on stage are wearing more clothing then what you see in real clubs anyway) They had about 100 girls working when we were there and the music was awesome,they played top 40 and rock and huge jumbo screens that play the music videos.
When we all got there we got to skip the line and cover fee because Drew knows the owner,who comes into Tao all the time to eat. We sat at one of the VIP tables and the owner came over to wish me a happy birthday,he sent over a bottle and even had the DJ wish me a happy 21st! I went to the ATM and took out money for all of us so we would all have cash to give to any dancer we wanted. We would walk around the main floor and go up to the girls and say
"You're wearing leopard, $5 for you" "I like your false eyelashes, money for you!" "I love your shoes, here's money for you!"
When we came back from one of our laps we get back to our VIP table where Drew and Gram(the navy boys met us there) & sitting on Gram's lap was Daisy from Rock of Love! I couldn't believe it, I'm addicted to reality TV and I loved Rock of Love, Daisy was my favorite! She was so tiny in person & super super sweet & cute, I told her how much I loved her & her makeup and how Brett made the wrong choice in picking old as menopausal Amber in Season 2. The guys told her it was my birthday so she ripped off her bikini top,came over to my chair and started giving me a lap dance! She leaned in and kissed me, then did a handstand where she clicked her 8 inch platform shoes together (like some naked Dorothy) put her legs on my shoulders and started shaking her ass (this entire time I'm looking over at Linds who is dying of laughter and the guys look like they are in a coma)
Daisy was so fun & she hung out at our table for awhile before she went back on stage- she was shutting it down! She was by far the best dancer, she would do all these crazy handstands and flips! I couldn't believe how good she was. When she came back to our table I told her she was the Meryl Streep of strip clubs, she laughed and then kept hitting on Drew our waiter friend and gave him her number before she left! We left as soon as Daisy did and also because we realized it was now 7 AM!
Virginia had to fly out early Sunday morning, Linds and I both had later flights-so we just hung out in our hotel room and ordered room service. Vegas was such a blast, I couldn't think of a better way to spend my 21st ♥
